I realized that I will celebrate my 30th birthday this year without my father by my side. Every time it was my birthday, he would add two or three more years to it, so every year I would already be 30 to him, and he secretly enjoyed seeing me flailing my arms going, “But Bahhh I am only (insert age)!”. I guess he already had a hunch that he would not live to see me being past 30, so I am always that age to him.
And you know what sucks the most? It is when sometimes at night, I hear my mother sobbing in her sleep. She would pretend to be strong and all during the day, going to work like usual, but it is always the night that gets us. I pray that God will not take her away from me so soon because I will be completely alone when she is gone, or even if I have to depart sooner than she does, I pray that she will be in good hands of everyone around her, of which I know she will.
I don’t know if I am strong enough, but I hope that no one will ever have to face what I am facing right now - death and other issues of abandonment. It is painful and I am totally crushed, but all I could do is go on living and pray that there will be light at the end of the tunnel someday.
